Introduction

Firstly, if you are reading this then please accept my heartfelt sympathy and apologies, as you are now dealing with what is probably the worst days of your life. You will have many questions, Where? When? Why? How? some of these questions may be answered and some may not, and some may also be answers that you do not want to hear. You will want someone to blame, someone to be punished, sadly this may also not always happen.

You will want to know what happens next, why things take as long as they do, you will be asked many times ‘what would you like to do’ when it comes to making decisions, all you want to do is go back, but you can’t, and you don’t know what to do because you’re now faced with something that you have never contemplated before. Remember there is no such thing as a stupid question, if you don’t know something, ask, there is no right or wrong way of what you should or shouldn’t do or feel or behave. Don’t be afraid to talk to anybody and everybody, share ideas and thoughts about what to do next and how to remember and honour the person you’ve lost. Think about what they loved and enjoyed, what made them laugh and smile. Having to suddenly arrange a funeral is something very few of us have planned for or thought about, and again you will be asked ‘what would you like to do’, when truthfully you probably don’t even know where to start, you may want to consider who you chose to carry this out based on reputation or how close they are to you, In my experience I chose a small family run business who went above and beyond, allowing me and my family and friends to visit as much as we wanted to say our goodbyes, Don’t be afraid to ask for things such as a lock of hair or a fingerprint, you can chose their final clothes, and even have a coffin personal to the one you’ve lost, these are available in various themes, cars, flowers, characters, and I found it to be of very similar cost to the traditional options.

This page has been put together, with all the information that is currently used by Essex Police and their Family Liaison Officers, Initially this is a 200 page document, but in reality, who would be able to sit and read, and take all the information in when you find yourselves in such circumstances, So, it has all been put here on this site, so you can go through things at your own pace, write down any questions that randomly pop in your head at 3am, make lists and take each day as it comes. This site has been created but not with the aim of providing all the answers, but to give information and allow options and thoughts to be shared, so please feel free to use the comments and reviews option found at the bottom of the menu. You will also see ‘Meaningful quotes’ within the menu, these are just quotes and words that I have come across that ring true to what I have gone through and how I feel, when sometimes you can’t find the words to explain it yourself.

You will probably hear the phrase ‘I can only imagine what you are going through’ or ‘I can imagine how you are feeling’, but few really can, I on the other hand do know how it feels to loose a child, suddenly, in horrible circumstances, its a club no parent wants to belong too, and nobody asks to join.

How this pack can help

We know that losing someone can be a distressing and difficult experience – especially if their death was sudden and unexpected.

You might find this pack helpful at this difficult time. It contains information about decisions and arrangements you may need to make, like deciding whether you would like to view the deceased person or how to arrange a funeral. It also explains how the criminal justice system works and what the police, the coroner and the courts will do now. At the bottom of this pack, you will find the contact details of various organisations and support groups that may be able to help you to get through this difficult time.

If you have any personal concerns about the information in this pack, the Police Family Liaison Officers (FLOs) will be able to help you. Write down any questions you want to ask the FLOs so that you do not forget anything important when you meet them.

Police Family Liason Officers.

Police Family Liaison Officers (FLOs) are specially trained police investigators who work with a team to give you and your family information about the investigation. For a definition of what we mean by family or family member, see the glossary. The FLOs will maintain contact with you during the investigation. If, for some reason, the FLOs need to leave your case, they will discuss this with you.

Be mindful that Family Liaison Officers may have to move onto other cases quite quickly, and you will find yourself left to sort the more personal details yourself, don’t feel you have to do this all on your own, ask for help.

What do the FLOs do during the investigation?

The primary role of the FLOs is to develop a two-way flow of information between family and friends and the investigation team. The FLOs can also help you in various ways. They will: answer any questions that you may have about the
• ongoing investigation give you contact details of organisations that can offer
• emotional support or practical advice

Do not be afraid to ask for help, this is not a sign of weakness and off loading to a stranger (counsellor) can often help.

What will happen now?

Meeting the FLOs	The Police Family Liaison Officers (FLOs) will keep you and your family updated about the investigation and provide a two-way flow between you and the investigation team. For more details about FLOs,go to the Introduction Section.
Viewing the deceased person	Viewing the deceased person may be an important step in coming to terms with the death. The police may also ask you to view the person to help with identification. For more information about this, go to Immediately after the death Section.
Notifying people about the death	When someone dies, there are people and organisations that need to be told – such as employers and mortgage providers. For more information about who you may need to contact, go to Immediately after the death Section.
Arranging a funeral	Before making any funeral arrangements, consider any wishes left in the Will – or those of bereaved family members and friends. For more information about arranging a funeral,go to Immediately after the death Section
The Will and the estate	It is important to find out if the person who died left a Will as the Will explains what should happen to their money, property and possessions. For more information about dealing with the Will, go to Immediately after the death Section.
The inquest	When the cause of a death is unknown, violent or unnatural, an inquest is held to determine the cause and the circumstances of the death. For more information about what happens at an inquest, go to The criminal justice process Section.
The police investigation	During the investigation, the police will gather all the evidence they need to prosecute. The FLOs will keep you informed about the investigation. For more information about what happens during an investigation, go to The criminal justice process Section.
Prosecuting a case	When the investigation has been completed, the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) will decide whether there is enough evidence to charge and prosecute a defendant. For more information about prosecuting, go to The criminal justice process Section .
Making a VPS	The Victim Personal Statement (VPS) is your chance to tell the court how the crime has affected you in, for example, an emotional, physical, medical or financial way. For more information about the VPS, go to The criminal justice process Section.
The court process	To find out what happens during a trial, go to The criminal justice process Section. For information about how the court passes a sentence, go to The criminal justice process Section. . To find out how prisoners may be released, go to The criminal justice process Section .